The Police Executed a Search Warrant on My Home, Found Stolen Assault Rifle, Meth and Marijuana

I know what you're thinking: There is so much bad shit about me on this website; How can it possibly get any worse?

Here's the actual police report, highlighted for your convinience.

Well, recently the police obtained a search warrant for my home because they had evidence that my fiancé had shoplifted an AR-15 and was stashing it there. Indeed, upon forcibly entering my loving home and tearing it apart, they did find the stolen assault rifle. What's more, they also found a stash of meth and a bunch of meth pipes.

Kristopher Lauchner - The ex-fiancé I pinned it all on

Of course, I denied I knew anything about any of it. I blamed it all on my fiancé. This is, of course, the same fiancé Fox had tried, unsuccessfully, to get a restraining order against based on repeated threats of violence. This is the same fiancé I steadfastly insisted was a great and wonderful person and an excellent role model for my children. Well, let me tell you, as soon as I came home and saw what was going on I did a complete 180 - no way was I getting tangled up in this shit. Fuck that! Kris is on his own now!

But let's be realistic, shall we. I had been living with, and engaged to Kris for, what, like 2 and a half years? Is it really believable that I had no idea he was tweaking every day in the garage? Do you think the police really believed I had no idea the rifle was hidden in the attic? Come on! Of course they didn't believe me. But thank god Kris was so pathetically in love with me that he didn't tell the cops I knew all about it. What a sweet guy. If only he knew I completely and shamelessly sold him out. What a punk. What a bitch.

In case you're wondering, this is the same police report that goes with the news stories that were on the local TV news. You can watch the news reports on the "Fun Stuff" page, linked above. And yeah, that's the actual house we were living in. Imagine that - they showed my house on the news! Is the fucking cool, or what? Now, any decent, non-trailer park loser would have immediately moved from that house and distanced themselves from all of this, but not me. Hell no! I continued to live at that same house until I was kicked out months later. Do you think it would make me the slightest bit uncomfortable knowing that my neighbors knew all about it? That they all snickered about me behind my back? Fuck no! Come on, that would require having some dignity, some self respect - and I clearly have none of that, man!

Truth is, the only reason I eventually moved out of that house was because it was owned by Kris's cousin and when Kris finally bonded out of jail he moved back in and didn't want me there any more since I'd fucked him over so bad with the cops. I mean, really, what kind of pathetic, tactless person would continue to live in a house owned by the family of their ex-fiancé after all of this? This kind - me! Yes, I am that type of person.

James Pendleton - My Current Sugar Daddy...Until I need another patsy

Damn! How is it that I am still able to dupe people every day? You would think that eventually my past would catch up with me, huh? Hell no! I'm Desiree fucking Capuano, motherfuckers! Un-fucking-touchable!

As for my current situation: Isn't it obvious that I've got that punk-ass, James, wrapped around my finger just like I did Kris? I mean, come on, look at all this hard proof of how terrible of a person I am; all the people I've fucked over; all the times I've sold out my "friends" to save my own ass...yet that pussy bitch (James) is on his knees kissing my ass every fucking day! Ah, life is good.