Your financial situation

I was going to respond...but I just don't care.  You're so full of crap and
delusional that it's impossible to have a reasonable conversation with
you.  You completely change your story from one email to the next, and you
try to pretend you didn't say things, meanwhile I have a handful of emails
from you where you say as plainly as possible that I will never see a dime
from you (referring to child support).  And now you claim that you never
said you wouldn't pay child support?  Whatever.

Do you see how easy it was for me?  I went to the bank...applied for a
credit card...got a second one in Gabriel's name...sent it to him.  The
only unfortunate part is how long it took.  Now he doesn't have to worry
about financial needs and I can sleep easy knowing that he's okay,
financially.  Was there really ANY justification to all the stupid little
games you played?  How do you sleep at night knowing that your child was
going to school with shoes that had the soles coming off, while you played
games about me taking him to the store and pick out a pair a you'd buy them
and send them to him?  Do you finally realize how fucking retarded that
was?  And you did it because you were trying to make it harder on me so
that I'd want to give Gabriel up to you!  Fucking shameful!  You're just a
disgusting, sorry, pathetic human being who doesn't deserve the title of
"mother".  The world is full of parents like you (I know, I had 2 of them)
and it's fucking sad.

And you think that you can just wake up one day, decide to be a better
person, and all your past wrongs will just go away?  Thank God the world
(and the legal system) doesn't work that way.

Anyway, I'm not going to waste my time on you.  I just got a new Sun server
today and I'm going to go play with it.

Fox

P.S. Child support amounts are determined solely by the state and according
to statutory criteria.  The parents don't "request" or "seek" an amount.
The judge has no discretion in the matter.  The $700 was determined
according to California law.  The state set that amount based on our
respective incomes and the amount of time Gabriel spent with each parent.
I had nothing to do with any of that.
		

One more point I wish to clarify:

I am not getting Gabriel things like video game consoles, and giving him
money because I am trying to buy his affection or win him over from you.
That is what ignorant white trash people do.  I am doing it because I feel
guilty that he had to go through so much bullshit because of me, and
because for so long I wasn't able to provide for him, and because I believe
he deserves to finally receive some rewards for being a good kid and doing
well in school and being respectful and considerate of others.  And because
when I was a kid I didn't have nice things and I'll be damned if he's going
to have anything near the childhood I had (though, you've certainly done a
lot to bring his childhood experience closer to mine).  And in some cases,
because I promised him I would get it for him - and I would never, NEVER
knowingly break a promise to him.
		

Okay, fine, one last thing:

You want to know why I despise you so much and why I say that you're just
an evil person?  Yeah, well I'll tell you anyway.

Because you're the type of woman that would go to a bar; meet a guy; have a
one night stand with him; then the next day you'd be ashamed of yourself
for doing it and you rather than accepting that it's who you are you'll
have that innocent person charged with rape - just to save yourself a
little embarrassment.  You wouldn't care that that person might go to
prison for 5 years or that his life might be ruined. So long as you don't
have to admit to having that one night stand.

And the other reason: you just don't care who you hurt or what trouble you
create for someone as long as you get your way.  And I don't mean your
adversaries - I mean innocent bystanders.  Even people who have been nice
to you and helped you.  And you don't feel an ounce of remorse for any of
it.

I don't think that you have truly cared about a single person, ever.  You
sometimes THINK you care about someone because you experience the physical
sensations that you were taught mean love or caring.  But that's just going
through the motions.  Your brain increases the levels or adrenaline, or
dopamine, or whatever chemical will induce the sensation that you accept as
"normal" or "appropriate" for the given external stimuli.  Only a person
with a complete lack of sincerity and decency can say they love someone
more than anyone, or anything else, one day then completely turn on them
and blame them for their own problems the next day.  But it's not entirely
your fault, you can only know what you were taught (or what you choose to
read about, I suppose).

Have you ever noticed, when you would come to LA for court and you, me and
Liz would walk out of the court building, and when you spoke to Liz your
face would light up and you'd be sweet.  Then, within half a second, when
you'd look at me you'd scowl.  You know why?  Because none of it was (or
is) sincere.  You don't mean a damn word of any of it.  You're just going
through the motions because you were taught that you're supposed to.  I
person cannot switch their frame of mind and their mood that quickly.  It
just isn't physically possible.  Which leads me to believe that everything
about you is phony.  I noticed a long time ago, one time, you went for a
job interview for an Oracle DBA position when we lived in Phoenix (in 2001)
and you were telling me about it in the car on the way home.  And there was
one thing in particular that you said which I have never forgotten: the
interviewer asked you something about your thoughts on running Oracle on
Windows and you had scoffed at the thought.  I realized right then and
there that there was not one sincere or independent cell in your body.  You
take on the persona of the people around you; you try so hard to say what
you think they want to hear.  I don't think that you have a single
independent thought or opinion?

THAT is what you have to offer your children.  And THAT is what scares me
about Gabriel being around you.  And THAT is why I despise you (and people
like you).  The fact that you have not grown as a person, in the past 12
years tells me that you are not someone that will humble yourself to share
with your children some of the more unpleasant moments of life so that they
can learn from your experiences and avoid your mistakes.

It's a shame that each generation just keeps repeating the life experience
of the previous generation because parents are too proud, or arrogant, or
insecure to be honest and open with their children.