Gabriel's school
Desiree:
Gabriel has been accepted to the SAS at Dodson. He must attend the school on June 20, 2012 for enrollment. He must attend the school on August 8, 2012 for orientation. Classes begin on August 14, 2012.
Note: This message is strictly informational. Please do not reply to it. Thank you.
Fox
Congratulations. However, schooling is one of the topics we as parents need to discuss and I was not included in any of this decision. I will not be changing any of the court ordered time with Gabriel to accomodate some last minute change you have made. He will come out the Friday after school ends and he will be returned the Friday before school starts as it states in the custody agreement.
This is for informational purposes so please don't respond.
Desiree:
I wish to point out, on the record, that you clearly and unequivocally state in your message that you intend to keep Gabriel in Arizona in violation of the court order.
Otherwise, everything else that you've stated is essentially irrelevant and/or moot, anyway (I'm sure, had you taken a moment to think about what you're saying before saying it you would have realized that and not bothered to reply).
Fox
Desiree:
This email is purely informational and you may disregard it if you wish. I seek only to clarify my statement that everything in your last reply was irrelevant or moot because I believe you took that as an insult. I am sure, after reading this message you will agree that your last reply was unnecessary. I shall address each of your points, in turn:
You said: "...schooling is one of the topics we as parents need to discuss and I was not included in any of this decision."
My response:
He was accepted into the program last week. I did not have significant
prior notice. I would have notified you sooner but a) I didn't have
notice of it myself; and b) you have, thus far, not demonstrated any
interest in his education. So I didn't expect you would have any
objections. As for being included in decisions regarding his education:
what decision are you referring to? He was already in the Gate program
and the SAS the continuation of the Gate program. Is maintaining the
status quo considered a "decision" in your way of thinking?
Further, we do not need to "discuss" Gabriel's "schooling". We only need to agree on it. If we cannot agree then we need to schedule a court appearance and the court will decide what is in Gabriel's best interest. Dodson is a highly regarded school, in a very nice neighborhood, and it has received very good reviews. Is there any reason I should think that you would object to him going there? What, exactly, ARE you upset about? You haven't even inquired about his last report card, or how he's doing in school. You also have not contacted the school directly for the information (they would have informed me if you had). Am I incorrect in presuming that you're interest in his education is anything more than superficial? If you DO have an objection to Gabriel attending the SAS program at Dodson then this would be the time to state it. Otherwise, if you do not have an objection then your argument is irrelevant and I fail to grasp it's point.
You said: "I will not be changing any of the court ordered time with Gabriel to accomodate some last minute change you have made."
My response:
I did not ask you to change any court order or the amount of time you
will be keeping Gabriel in Arizona. And, since I do not make
implications I would think that an explicit request would have been
tendered, but it was not. Are you suggesting that a couple days of your
summer visitation is more important than Gabriel's school requirements?
Because that is what it sounds like you're saying. Even if Gabriel did
not attend Dodson next year the school in this area also starts on
August 14, 2012 so, again, your argument and concern seems pretty moot.
I am failing to see how his acceptance into the SAS at Dodson would
require you to change ANY of your plans - or how it even affects you in
ANY way whatsoever. What, exactly, IS the point of your reply? You
seem to be upset about something but since the change in the school
Gabriel will be attending has absolutely no impact on anything in any
way related to you or your visitation time I cannot, for the life of me,
figure out why you would be upset.
I did not request you accommodate any changes. The changes require no accommodation. As I stated in my original message: it was purely informational. Had I not sent that message you would never have known anything about it and it would not have affected anything in your life.
The change in question is not last minute. Today is June 5, 2012. The last day of school is June 19, 2012. You have not yet made his travel arrangements. You have stated that you will wait until it gets closer to the end of the summer visitation before you get his return ticket. So, what, exactly, would you be changing? How, exactly, does a change in the school he will be attending affect you or the arrangements you have not yet made?
It is also significant that attending Dodson is not a "change". He was not already enrolled at another middle school and the only "plan" I had for his next school year was for him to attend private school. So, again, what "change" are you talking about?
You said: "He will come out the Friday after school ends and he will be returned the Friday before school starts as it states in the custody agreement."
My response:
That is not what it states in the visitation order (what you refer to as
the custody agreement). Pursuant to the order you are required to
return Gabriel no later than August 7, 2012.
Should you decide to keep Gabriel in Arizona until the Friday before school begins (i.e. August 10, 2012) as you stated you intend to do, then you will be in violation of the visitation order and there will be an ex parte hearing on August 8, 2012.
In closing: Gabriel has been inquiring about the possibility of spending half of his summer vacation here and the other half there. I told him he would need to talk to you about it. For obvious reasons, he is uncomfortable talking to you about such things. I told him that I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as it was financially feasible but that it was really up to you because of the court order. So, perhaps you might want to talk to him about it and work something out with him. I mention this because you have stated repeatedly that you want what Gabriel wants, and if that's true then that means you want Gabriel to be able to spend half of his summer here. So, I guess we'll see if you really do care about what Gabriel wants then, huh? Don't worry, I prepared him for it by telling him that I think it's incredibly unlikely that you'd go for that, regardless of what he wants. So he shouldn't be too upset when you say no.
Desiree:
Good afternoon. It's been a week since our last correspondence on this topic and I've not heard back from you regarding any objections to Gabriel attending the SAS at Dodson. I shall take that to mean, then, that you have no objections and you agree with Gabriel attending the SAS at Dodson. If I am incorrect please inform me so that we may address any concerns or objections you may have.
Fox
I had no say in the decision making process and I know nothing about it. You made the decision and carried it through entirely on you own and simply handed me the terms I know have to abide by. Why are you bothering to ask me now?
Desiree:
On June 5, 2012 I sent you an email informing you that Gabriel had been "accepted" into the SAS program at Dodson. At that time I also let you know that we had to go to Dodson on June 20, 2012 to enroll him. I'm sorry if I was not very clear on that (I'm not being sarcastic) but I thought the June 20th enrollment made it pretty clear that he was not already enrolled. Being "accepted" means that he applied for; met the requirements; and the administrator of the SAS program approved his application based on his CST scores and academic history. It does not mean that he is already enrolled. If I said anything that gave you the impression that he was already enrolled or that I proceeded without consulting you then I'm not seeing it. And if an apology is warranted, on my part, then I apologize.
I'm also sorry that you believe that I made the decision and carried it through entirely on my own (i.e. without your involvement). On June 5 at 2:52pm I sent you a lengthy email on this matter, wherein I stated "If you DO have an objection to Gabriel attending the SAS program at Dodson then this would be the time to state it." Perhaps I was not clear but I thought that was my request for your input on the matter. The decision has not yet been carried through because Gabriel still needs to be enrolled on June 20.
The reason I am bothering to ask you now is that I asked you a week ago but received no response. This is my second attempt to determine if you have any objections. If you do then please present them so we can address them.
Desiree, I'm a little troubled that you would say that you had no say in the matter.
If you do not wish to provide any input that's fine. I can accept your silence as implied consent.
Is this a private school? Is it fully accredited? What is the course schedule like? What part of town is it in? Is it a full school year or if not, do they follow standard school schedules? Will any of the dates for his time here change? What expenses, additional or normal will there be and how are we going to handle it? How badly does Gabriel want to go to this school and why?
I know there is a lot to discuss regarding a decision like that, but normally I have to go through paragraphs of insults on how "white trash" I am before you get to anything relevant and I personally don't want to read that. So normally I don't get through all of your emails. Maybe we should implement some kind of key word that suggests there is an important event that requires communication immediately so that I give it prompt attention. Not to say that any situation involving Gabriel is not important but there are varying degrees of urgency and I have no idea how to determine that. I have yet to be approached civily by you as an equal party to a situation where I am given either input or consideration. For the most part you simply tell me what you are doing and what I need to do about it and threaten court judgement if I don't comply or agree.
I am in no way going to stop Gabriel from attending a school he likes but his desire is not the only consideration that needs to be taken into account.
What if I say I have no objection and come to find out its 60k a year and you told them I'm paying it. I just agreed to that without knowing and I refuse to put myself in that situation.
Desiree:
I shall attempt to address each of your concerns, in turn. My responses are inline, below.
No.
Yes.
I don't know. I presume it is standard for the LAUSD gifted and/or advanced learning curriculum.
Palos Verdes. The full address is: 28014 Montereina Drive, Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275
Yes. They are an LAUSD Single Track school.
No. His visitation periods are based on holidays and breaks - not calendar dates.
I cannot yet comment on what expenses there will be. As for how we will handle them, it is my understanding from our prior correspondence that until the court explicitly orders you to pay anything you do not intend to pay anything. Therefore, I cannot yet comment at that at this time.
I just relayed your question to Gabriel and his reply was "Pretty badly". As for why: "it's a nice neighborhood", "a nice social environment", "I think the program would be suited to my aptitude", "they have a good music program", "there are more white kids", "it has a very good reputation and track record". Those are his words.
You can get more information on the school at:
http://www.dodsonms.org/
http://search.lausd.k12.ca.us/cgi-bin/fccgi.exe?w3exec=school.profile.content&which=8110
Now, I shall address some of your other statements:
Not really. It would seem to be a no-brainer. It's a good school, in a good neighborhood. What's to discuss? Forgive me, but I get the impression that over the last week you haven't done ANY research on the school at all.
I never mean to insult you. That is my honest belief/opinion of you based on your behavior/attitude/outlook and my vast knowledge of, and experience with, white trash people. Also, I ask that you notice that our correspondence usually starts with me trying to be civilized and mature, and you responding with hostility and accusations. Only then does it digress into an argument with statements about white trash-ness. We both have the email history to support this claim.
I also dispute this claim on your part because even when I send you a very short, direct email regarding something pertinent, you don't respond. If you're not sure what I'm referring to I can forward you references to specific messages.
I tried this - by stating in the heading that it was regarding a legal matter, et cetera. Didn't work. You would get angry and start an argument. Again, I can forward you references to specific instances.
Again, I can forward you many references to many emails where I have approached you civilly, only to be responded to with sarcasm and hostility.
I'm terribly sorry but I certainly do not see us as equal parties. We have not made equal contributions to Gabriel's upbringing, education or care.
Again, I can forward you references to specific emails where I attempted to solicit your input. Generally, you either didn't respond or your responded with hostility.
Please provide references to specific instances of this because I have no recollection of this happening.
I have only done this in cases where you were in violation of the law. It is my right to do so, and each person is expected to comply with the law and in the best interest of the child.
It's a public school. There is no tuition. You had a week to Google the school. It is obvious that you have not done a single thing in this respect. I give up. I mean, how could you not take my prior emails as an attempt to include you in this. And you didn't even check the school's web site? You didn't even realize it's a public school. Forget it. There is just working with you on something. And, now you're trying to make it seem like I'm the problem.
I'm done with you!
I did google SAS at Dobson and all I got were schools of advanced studies at the post-secondary education level. The rest sounds good - I have no objections. I'm not difficult if you treat me with respect. And it was by your choice that "We have not made equal contributions to Gabriel's upbringing, education or care." Not mine. I will not be treated as a guilty party - not by you. And try stating the nature of the issue "Gabriels's sick and I need insurance info" or "new school for Gabriel" not cryptic headings that could be about anything.
Desiree:
How incredibly peculiar. When I google sas dodson (not dobson) the very first thing that comes up is a link to the school's web site. I tried googling "sas dobson" and "sas dodson" and couldn't find the types of references your describing.
A) Respect is something you earn and I'm having a hell of a time understanding why I should respect you (that's not an insult, it's a sincere statement). B) Our email history seems to tell a different story. I just sent you an email with a bunch of references to times that I tried to be civil with you any you responded with anger. I had to stop at January because the list was getting long. Do you really believe the things you say?
Desiree, this issue has already been debated and all reasonable parties seem to agree there is no basis for the claim that I hid Gabriel from you. You were the one that was absent for 9 years. You withheld your contact info from us, not we from you. When I moved to Phoenix in January 2006 I gave my info to your mother and she gave it to you. You did not provide your info to me. And although you had our info you chose not to establish contact with Gabriel at that time. So, how can you still cling to that claim that I kept Gabriel from you?
Anyway, like I said in my prior message, I'm done with you. As far as I'm concerned you're a write off. I'm tired of cutting you slack and giving you breaks. And I'm tired of your backpedaling, and your angry emails based on your false assumptions about how you misinterpret my statements. I have nothing further to say.
Please let me know when you've made Gabriel's travel arrangements.
Thank you,
Fox
The plane ticket was bought and the confirmation email was sent to you. I am in no way angry. Maybe you should stop assuming thing about my character. And withholding information or not you took Gabriel behind my back, we're very effective in winning a legal battle, we're viscous and cruel until communcation ceased, did not inform me or give me a choice to be there when you were arrested, refused to tell me where he was in 2009 and didnt reach out to me until last year. I find it hard to believe that you still find my actions since i found him to be that of someone who didn't care. I would think it would display the opposit as I have not, nor will, I give up or stop regardless how many times you feel it necessary to assert your opinion of me or tell me that Gabriel doesn't give a shit about me. If I didnt care all this time, wouldn't it make more sense for me to just "go back into hiding" as you claim I have been? Why would I voluntarily subject myself to having to deal with you if being with my son wasn't the most important thing to me? Yes, I really believe what I say.
Desiree:
I shall address the relevant points:
Incorrect. I have not received an email confirmation.
Whenever you believe I am assuming anything about your character and you believe I am wrong please inform me. So far, I believe I have been fairly accurate in my assumptions about you. So far I have been very accurate in my predictions about what you will do.
This topic has already been debated and the truth that you took the money I gave you to buy Christmas presents and the Tracker and took off to Florida to rekindle your relationship with Michael, while leaving Gabriel in Phoenix with your mother is well settled. I most certainly did go to Phoenix and bring Gabriel back here. I did not tell you because I did not have your contact information in Florida.
I did not have your contact information and therefore had no way of notifying you.
Your actions in August are not those of some one that cares. They were selfish and harmful to Gabriel's psychological well-being. How many times has Gabriel called you, crying because he wanted to go back to you? See my point?
It is my honest belief that the only reason you're continuing to have the minimal involvement in Gabriel's life that you are is due to pride and your desire to spite me. I really don't believe that you care, in the slightest bit, about Gabriel. I think you want to bring Gabriel to Phoenix for the visitation periods because you think that hurts me or upsets me. Or, you see it as a victory for you and a defeat for me. This is evident from the many times in your emails when you would use words like "win". Or when you said that I had the first ten years and now it's your turn. I also think that someone, perhaps Kristopher, perhaps your mother, is pushing you to keep going. I'm not trying to make you give up. You're just not that important to me. I have no problem with Gabriel going to Phoenix for the summer, or the winter or spring breaks. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that Gabriel spends time with you. But it does bother me that Gabriel is around people using drugs and committing crimes. If you're not using drugs anymore than that's great and I have no problem. The issue of Kristopher taking Gabriel to the WalMart when he passed counterfeit bills is another story (which according to the MCAO as of June 5 is going to be addressed very shortly). Once Kristopher is back in prison then I don't have an issue in that respect either.
I have no recollection of ever saying that. Please cite a reference.
No. If your motivation is to get at me in some way then you would continue as long as you thought that what you were doing was affecting me.
See the last response (above).
Well, that's very sad.
And finally, this last message of yours sounds like Kristopher. Am I right?
Fox
Incorrect, but time will tell.
Desiree:
Incorrect about which part?
And may you please forward me a copy of the Southwest itinerary you said was already sent to me? I did not receive it.
Fox